It seems like the topic of emotional intelligence is all over the business press lately. What exactly is it?

We are not talking about Jedi master mind control here; we are talking about the ability to read and respond to the emotions of others in the workplace. This ability to effectively manage our own emotions and the emotions of those around us is quickly becoming the number one competency for workplace leadership in the 21st century.

All of us who get up and go to work every day crave an organizational culture where the people in charge display strong emotional intelligence.

If two companies have the same expertise and technology, what gives one a competitive edge is the staff and their abilities. Top talent is gravitating to companies that have a culture of emotional intelligence. 

Individuals with emotional intelligence have an awareness and an understanding of their emotions as they occur and can evaluate the emotions as appropriate or inappropriate before responding to a situation or another person that has prompted them.

An example would be a supervisor’s discovery that an employee failed to order adequate supplies for an annual project. The supervisor may feel anger toward the individual and send an email to the team that calls out the individual for their failure. This action would likely cause the employee to feel defensive and create tension within the team.

An emotionally intelligent supervisor would recognize the anger and self-manage the response, not letting the emotion sway their reaction. 

Anger is not a "wrong" emotion. In the example above, the project is delayed, and the supervisor ultimately is responsible. But the supervisor should know the importance of getting a full understanding of the situation to determine the appropriate response. What if the supervisor meets with the employee and learns that all the team members were consulted about necessary supplies? Their requests were compiled and ordered for the project. The supply shortage is not a failure of the employee but a failure of the team.

Understanding what others are feeling is a boon to trust, leadership, influence, and coaching.

Being able to calm down and consider options when upset is a key skill of emotional intelligence.

Many of us have dealt with managers or colleagues who are not adept at this skill. We may even recognize our own shortcomings in this area. The good news is that emotional intelligence can be acquired and honed. Here are six suggestions for accomplishing that from Bill Marklein, founder and CEO of Employ Humanity LLC, whose expertise is emotional intelligence.

Watch and let go of your thoughts. Our minds can become a snow globe of irrational thoughts, Marklein says, and leaders need to not attach to each snowflake. Watch and let go of the thoughts. This will position you to be in the moment, poised to deal with situations without judgement or biases.

Find time to pause and unplug. Disengage from technology. Constant interaction with technology rewires our brain in a negative way. By freeing ourselves from constant connectivity, “We can have self-awareness of our thoughts in stillness during the busy grind of work and life,” Marklein says.

Embrace all emotions. Negative emotions give us wisdom. They are part of life and illuminate positive emotions such as joy and peace. The key is to be resilient amid negativity.

Strive to feel what others are feeling.  Empathy is one component of emotional intelligence. Imagine an iceberg: We often judge and only view what is above the water, but there is a whole story underneath. Understanding what others are feeling is a boon to trust, leadership, influence, and coaching.

Be adaptable. Marklein says, “Life is always changing, and we need to adapt to different personalities, social scenes, and strategy.” If you can “feel the mood of the room” when you enter, you can respond in a constructive manner.

Model the behavior desired in your culture. Culture change starts with self-management. If you want your staff to conduct themselves in a particular way, you need to lead by example in demonstrating the behavior.

The bottom line from Marklein: Emotional intelligence will strengthen your leadership in and away from the workplace and will demonstrate your value regardless of what other changes impact your workplace.