Some of the most capable people I know aren't struggling because of a lack of talent. They're struggling because they stopped trusting themselves and started holding themselves back. They’ve become muted.

In speaking engagements over the past few years, I've asked thousands of leaders (C-suite executives in healthcare, association leaders, and leaders across finance, accounting, real estate, HR, and other industries) to anonymously answer one question: How are you currently silencing, doubting, or holding yourself back?

The same answers show up in every room:

• "I'm not valuable. Everyone else knows better."
• "After 25 years, I'm still afraid of being found out that I don't know what I'm doing."
• "Questioning my voice and looking for approval even when I know the answers."

And every time I read the answers out loud, I can feel the tension release, as everyone realizes at the same time: “I’m not the only one.”

I know what it’s like to feel that way, to feel alone. A decade into my career, I burned out while I was serving as the director of wellbeing. I was terrified of anyone seeing the less-than-perfect version of me and of being exposed as a fraud, so I let my fear silence me.

Why We Mute Ourselves

Why do we do this? I’ve heard from nearly 5,000 working professionals across a wide range of industries, and the same three kinds of reasons come up again and again:

• Internal doubts. The stories we tell ourselves about our worth and capability. They sound like this: I'm not good enough, experienced enough, or ready enough. I’m an imposter. I’m going to be found out.
• Relational safeguards. The ways we go quiet to protect connection. We don't want to rock the boat or be a burden or a bother. We agree in the meeting but vent in the parking lot.
• Structural insecurity. The environments where silence is safer than being seen. This one isn't about confidence; it's about psychological safety. When speaking up has cost people in terms of retribution or retaliation, they learn to stay silent instead of speaking up.

Here's the question I invite every audience to sit with: What is your silence costing you? And what is it costing your team, members, or association? And what becomes possible if you overcome the doubts and fears holding you back and start unmuting yourself?

How We Can Get Unmuted

I developed The VOICE Method to help people move from fear and self-doubt to courage and confidence. It’s a process that unfolds over time (and often takes longer than we expect).

The VOICE Method

Void: Identify the place of stuckness or stagnation. The Void is the moment you realize something isn't working, the discontent, the restlessness, the resentment that builds and regret that follows. It's uncomfortable, but it's a gift because it gets our attention and moves us to ask, “What if it didn't have to be this way?”

Opportunity: What's possible? Years ago, my dad asked me a question I pass along to anyone who feels stuck: If it were just right, what would it look like? Imagining the ideal future state is highly motivating and energizing. Ask that question of yourself, along with your staff, your board, and your members whenever you feel stuck.

Illumination: Clarify your brilliance. There's often a gap between how capable people are and how capable they think they are. We don’t always see ourselves accurately and are blind to our own brilliance. Ask people who know you well about a time they saw you at your best. What did they see in you? Receive it instead of deflecting it. Borrow their belief in you until you believe in yourself. You can use specific questions to invite other people to mirror your strengths.

Catalyst: Accept the invitation. A therapist once told me, "Your ability to assess risk is greater than your ability to trust yourself." She was right. We let fear decide for us and shrink instead of stepping up because of a lack of self-trust. The next time an opportunity comes up that makes you feel alive, lean into it. Two phrases to keep in mind when doubt creeps in:

An invitation is an indication of a qualification.

You are not an imposter. You are in process.

Expression: The brave, bold next step. found that regrets of inaction outnumber regrets of action. We regret the things we didn’t do more than what we did do. You are the only person with your exact combination of skills, experience, and wisdom, so don’t rob the world of the contribution only you can make.

Visualize How Good It Can Get

Imagine it's a year from today and you've unmuted yourself in some way: stepped up, said yes, showed up more fully. Your “just right” vision of the future has come to life. What have you done? And how do you imagine feeling once you’ve done it? The same themes consistently surface in response to those questions: alive, energized, free, relieved, and proud.

That’s what’s possible when we’re willing to live with courage, to be brave and bold, to step into the unmuted life.