Our association lost our president and CEO after a domestic violence incident in 2016. He had been with our association for 16 years and had a larger-than-life personality.

Our senior staff members learned of the news the next morning and were in complete shock. Grief came later. Our first reaction was simply to ask ourselves, “Now what?”

He was the primary contact with the leaders of our institutional members and built personal relationships with each of them. In many respects, he was the face and voice of the association.

I can’t say that we got everything right, but thanks to the counsel of some friends of the association, and the fact that our president had built a strong, cohesive leadership team, we have some advice to share:

1. Refer to your succession plan. I had read numerous articles on succession plans. It always seemed like a good idea to have one in place, but it was not at the top of our list. Several years ago, we finally developed one, and I can say with confidence that this plan saved our association from itself. When the association head passes away suddenly, nothing is normal. Emotions are high, and even simple decisions can be difficult to make. Our executive committee reviewed the succession plan within a day of receiving the news and followed the steps that were clearly outlined in the plan. They conferred by conference call a day later and named a new acting president. Without this plan, there likely would have been questions about who makes the decisions, what the process should be, and how involved board members should be in the decision-making process. It would have taken much longer to make decisions, and there would likely have been some dissension about the best way to proceed.


2. Develop a quick and coordinated response. Our staff and association members deserved to know what happened right away. Senior staff members contacted our executive committee and staff at the same time. We asked them to keep the news quiet for a few hours until we could draft a message to send to all association members. We were under pressure because the local media had picked up the story, and word had started to spread. We managed to send an email blast to the leadership of our institutional members within a few hours, and by the end of the next day, we had sent a message to everyone affiliated with the association. I don’t know how we could have written a message that we were comfortable with any faster, but we were surprised how quickly word spread even before our messages were sent.



Under such intensely trying circumstances, we had to do what was best for the association and forge our own path when necessary.

3. Focus on the details. All the while, we realized that those who were not on our communications radar were continuing to email and call the president about routine matters, awaiting a response. It became clear that the sooner we set an auto-reply message on his email and updated his outgoing voicemail message, the better. Composing this message and facing the finality of our loss was one of the hardest things our staff members ever had to do. Several staff members volunteered to take on this task, and we will be eternally grateful for their courage. 


4. Figure out fiduciary responsibilities. We quickly conferred with our auditors to ensure we had alternate internal controls in place for financial and personnel matters. Our secretary and treasurer took on the role of reviewing our general ledger each month, and our senior staff members divided among themselves responsibilities such as time-sheet approvals, disbursement approvals, and contract signing. We reported these temporary changes to our board of directors and continually communicated with our auditors to ensure they were satisfied with the measures we put in place.


5. Seek out grief counseling. A few days later, we brought in a grief counselor to meet with staff. I am not sure how much it helped individuals, but it made a statement to them that their grief was real, and that the association would be supportive during this difficult time. The grief counselor spoke to us about the stages of grief and shared strategies that staff members could use to cope. We also encouraged staff to contact the employee assistance program offered through one of our insurance plans. Some staff members grieved openly and others less so, but we promised not to judge and be supportive. After the first week, we had received so many touching responses from our community that we started printing them out and taping them on the wall outside of our president’s office. This memorial stayed in place for several months. The emails were later collated and placed in a memory book for his family.


6. Empower staff. Despite the disruption, the work still had to get done. The first few days after the tragedy were emotional and incredibly difficult. Some staff members dove deep into their work, while others needed to talk about the tragedy. However, we had an association to run. We used the mantra “make him proud” to get through the times when the task at hand seemed futile. We knew how important our association was to our president, so we decided to do everything in our power to run it as well as we could. We often joked about how he would have approved when something positive was achieved, or how certain things would have driven him crazy. We didn’t necessarily make the same decisions he would have, but under such intensely trying circumstances, we had to do what was best for the association and forge our own path when necessary.


7. Don’t be a doormat. Although we accommodated a certain level of diminished performance during the grieving process, several staff members began performing poorly and lashed out at the association in public ways. We realized that grief could have driven this behavior, but the degree of hostility was unacceptable. Simply chalking up all behavior to grief, and more importantly allowing it, would have led the association down a difficult road. Because this behavior happened on the heels of the president’s death, we offered a one-time buyout to any staff member who felt the need to leave.


8. Share memories. We encouraged all staff members to attend the memorial service that was held a few weeks later, and many of our members attended as well. We hosted a lunch before the service, so people could share their grief. On the one-year anniversary of our president’s death, we gathered staff members for a moment of remembrance. Our staff members shared funny stories about their interactions with our president, and it ended up being a positive experience. The leadership team decided from the beginning not to avoid saying his name and to refer to him when appropriate. We didn’t want any mention of him to be taboo. Our board members also created an awards program in his honor, which stood for all that he worked for during his career.

Our late president will continue to be part of our lives, and his legacy of leadership at the association lives on. He had a tremendous influence on the organization and will always be remembered.  Though it was hard at times, we are grateful that we had many safeguards and resources in place that allowed us to deal with the unexpected loss. If you are lucky, this scenario will never happen at your organization. If it does, however, be kind to yourselves, and know that you will get through it.